Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I'm so physically exhausted now. My first PT in some time. Running is so not my thing, yet I have to force myself to do it now; for myself, for my team. I guess, in a sense, choosing to remain positive, to go on even when there are so many reasons for me to turn my back- I'm just not made for this, there are so many others who could do a much better job and stuff like that, is really a test for myself. For the longest time, I've felt as though my growth has stagnanted. There was always so much angst, which I'm glad I'm experiencing less and less nowadays. For now, I feel once again that I'm growing. I'm learning to take things in stride, to do all that I can but to let go when it's so obviously time to do so. At my lowest, I'm so pessimistic it's hard to imagine when I'll ever get on. But even then I know I have something to lean on. I receive these emails containing excerpts from books by this guy called Max Lucado. Last week, I was reading that week's and it just seemed so timely you know. "Though your falls are great, His strength is greater." How true that is. And what cause for rejoicing that assurance is. Certain situations have made me realise that we hurt each other so, so easily. Mostly it's the hurting that are hurtful. We try to accomodate them, to be nice, to be tolerant and understanding... but sometimes maybe doing so only indulges them. They take advantage of it. You give and keep giving, only to realise that it's not appreciated. I could bemoan the sad state of humanity. But I am part of humanity. I am guilty of being rude and insensitive at times too. I cannot blame others for their weaknesses because I have no right to judge. I could turn cynical and morose, but my faith sustains me. I am now even more convinced of how truly amazing God's unconditional love is. It doesn't depend on mood, circumstances or even our abilities. As much as I believe God changes people for the better, I also know that he accepts us as we are- flithy, flawed, sinful. He loves us even when we're terribly unlovable. When the world has forsaken you, Christ is still there. He calls you. He waits for you. And when you finally take his hand, he leads you on a personal walk that changest you from within. I've learnt that I cannot change people, I cannot make them accept every single part of me. Acceptance if it must be sought, isn't acceptance anymore. It should be freely given. If you find that you have to work for it, then it ain't worth it. You'll be much happier just being yourself. It's really a much wiser approach to take. x)

I gave in to temptation and watched Grey's Anatomy again last night. Heh I've been pretty busy but it's good to unwind once in a while yea? though I should stop staying up so late =p There was this scene where Meredith said to Derek, "We're adults now... how did that happen? and how can we stop it?" I suppose you'll have to watch the episode to know what I'm talking about. How responsibility becomes so real once you leave behind the days of braces and trainer bras. How responsibility does suck. But how there're perks to growing up as well.

Oh well. Just to put in my few cents worth... Haha got to rush off now.
Tc ya?